Ode to An Exceptional Orange Cat

The phone rang around noon today. I did not even have to look at the Caller ID.I already knew who it was. The number of my veterinarian seemed to glare at me much brighter than usual. I answered on the second ring or was it the third? My mind was already trying to grasp what my heart already knew. My head was saying maybe, just maybe it's not as bad as you think, but my heart was saying you know better, don't let him suffer, its time to let that old orange kitty go. Hello? My vets voice was on the other end, "Hey Robin, how are you?" I could hear it in her voice. Go ahead Doc, just be straight with me. I heard her say kidney failure and my mind drifted.....

Oscar came into our lives quite unexpectedly just as all of the animals in my life have. He was a big, fat, orange tabby who had been "given" (aka left behind) to Courthouse Animal Hospital in 2006. It seems his previous family had a new baby and therefore had no room for that big old orange, furry, bundle of pure love, anymore. The vets office saw a sucker for a sad story coming the moment I walked in the door. I was there to pick up my own cat, Bailey, who had been mauled by my neighbors Chow Chow (in MY yard) on Thanksgiving Day. Bailey, an older kitty himself, had survived (barely) and was coming home demanding a lot of attention The last thing I needed was another cat. As I waited for Bailey the  office staff emerged with Oscar. He had the cutest face, all white whiskers with one very prominent black one smack in the middle. We were introduced and his story spilled out from the three gals that manned the front desk. I greeted Oscar with a rub on his ears and he responded with the tiniest little sound. So small that I wondered if I had really heard anything at all! I guess I could say that Oscar had me at "Hello".

It was during a difficult time in my life when Oscar made his debut. I was recently separated from my husband  and trying to raise my then 1 year daughter and 4 year old son (who was newly diagnosed with PDD NOS I had no clue that this was a pre-curser for Autism). I was in a new job and was struggling to make it day by day all the while trying to keep a smile on my face. Oscar was a big old lap cat that would always answer me back when I talked to him. Most of the time it was a small sound and sometimes no sound at all, just an open mouth that seemed to smile. We both needed a lot of attention and both had a lot of love to give. He was my lap kitty for quite sometime and he never complained as I moved our family from home to home over the next few years. When we moved back to Bon Air, almost two years ago, I promised my kids and my kitty's that this was it. Up until then Oscar always stayed inside. When I knew that this was our last stop, that we were home, Oscar was able to go outside and he could not have been happier. He never went to far from the back deck. He was dependable like that.

"So, what do you want to do Robin? I can make him comfortable but there is no guarantee how long..." I knew  the right thing to do but I could not get it out. The words stuck in my throat. How do I do this? How do I end the life of something that I love? I had never even thought about Oscar not being here. Surely he had more time than this?

I was overcome with grief and guilt. Funny how we give our pets human emotions. Oh my gosh, I haven't spent anytime with him in what seems like an eternity. Life has been so busy I just....Lately when I came to bed I was so tired and emotionally spent I barely gave him a pat good night. He was always there though, right on my pillow or under my arm. No matter how bad the day was he was always right there. I suddenly felt as though I had let my best friend down I fussed at him just a few days ago about knocking all the water out of his bowl, again. He had a habit of doing this and it was so irritating. Now it does not seem like it was such a big deal...

Oscar was a loner, not by choice. My other kitties never really accepted him. All would seek my attention and Oscar, being the gentleman he was, would step aside so the younger ones could get a treat or some extra ear scratching. I wonder if he knows how much he is loved?

When I took him to the vet on Saturday I knew it was not good but I was still unprepared for the final prognosis. My son Matthew left his stuffed cat with Oscar so he wouldn't be lonely during his stay at the hospital. My vet said she had never seen a cat hold on to and love an object as much as Oscar did. Maybe he knew that it was special. Matthew shares his stuffed kitty with no one but on this occasion I think even Matthew sensed that things were not good.

Some people say that animals don't go to heaven, that they don't have a soul. Well, I choose to believe that whether an animal has a soul or not, I serve a God that can do ANYTHING, including reuniting owners with their beloved pets in heaven. Nothing is impossible....

I will be heading up to the vet soon to say good bye to my Oscar. I did not think I could do it, but it is the least I can do for such a sweet and loving orange tabby cat. For all the times he was there in my lap when I was feeling blue, for all the times he wiped my tears as I buried my face in his coat, for the times he made me laugh, it is now my turn to be there for him. For my sake more than his, I had to have one more opportunity to tell him that I love him, to thank him for loving me unconditionally, and most importantly to tell him that he is truly a most exceptional orange cat......

It's Not Over Until It Is Over-A True Story

This is a true story. I hope that it will inspire you, lift you up, encourage you and give you hope that no matter where you are in your life, you are not doing it alone...Trust Him!
 

Part 1 Randy

On the evening of May 26th of this year (2007) I had lost my way. It took 40 years to get to that point but I was at my lowest. I was doubting my worth to my family and friends and really felt they all would be better off without me. What brought me to that point was a lifetime of unresolved issues that had never been dealt with. There was sexual and emotional abuse, abandonment issues and from my earliest memories of childhood I realized that I was different from all the other kids I knew. It wasn’t until late last year that I was found to have Aspberger’s Syndrome. That explained a lot about my behavior but it hit me harder than I expected.

There were a lot of details over the past years that led me to the point I reached on May 26th. Some of them no one should ever have to experience. So I had decided to end my life on that day.

I did not grow up in church and it wasn’t until I met my wife 8 years ago that I really found the Lord, but on May 26th I forgot all about Him. That was until I was ready to take my life. That evening I kissed my wife and kids goodnight then went upstairs and asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do. I then ingested enough ant-freeze to kill myself. On May 27th I had died - twice.


Part 2 Robin

It was Sunday morning, May 27, 2007, about 10 AM. My husband had been violently ill during the night. The last time we spoke was around 3 AM. He said he thought he had the flu. I was fixing breakfast for our children. Our six-year-old son was on the computer. Our three-year-old daughter came from upstairs. She came into the kitchen with concern in her voice. Daddy was sick. I asked her where he was when I heard a thud come from upstairs. Running up the stairs, calling his name as I went, I came to an abrupt halt at our son’s bedroom door. My husband lay sprawled on the floor. He was trying to get up but his body was not cooperating. I kept calling his name as I tried to help him. The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know. Pupils, fixed and dilated, unable to speak, only groan, I knew it was bad. I called 911. It seemed like an eternity. The paramedics arrived. I heard “possible stroke.” I thought to myself, “okay, stroke I can deal with.” I work in a skilled nursing facility and stroke patients were familiar to me. They rushed Randy into an ambulance and sped to Johnston-Willis Hospital. I started calling family and friends to see if someone could watch the children. Everyone was in church, which is where we would have been that Sunday morning. I finally found some close friends who came immediately to pick up the children. I called my mother in law in San Antonio, Texas. “Mom, Randy is on his way to the hospital, they think it might be a stroke.” I told her I would call her from the hospital when I knew more. Still in a state of shock, I headed to Johnston-Willis and I prayed.

Upon my arrival at the hospital, I was escorted into the E.R. by a very kind and understanding nurse. The paramedics were finishing up and standing near Randy’s E.R. room. I could tell by the look on their faces that all was not well. Randy’s room looked like it had been ransacked. Unfamiliar equipment and “tools” were everywhere. The E.R. doctor introduced himself and asked me if Randy drank alcohol. “No” was my reply. He did not drink at all to my knowledge. About this time they were returning Randy from having a CAT scan. I did not recognize this man as my husband. He was pale and lifeless with I.V.’s and tubes and even worse, he was on a ventilator. I knew that being on a ventilator was an indication that he was in critical condition. The E.R. doctor then advised me that Randy had “died” on his way into the hospital and that they had resuscitated him, but it did not look good. I called my mother in law in Texas and I told her “you need to come. I don’t think that the doctor’s think he is going to make it. He is on a ventilator” She was on a plane from San Antonio within the hour. I called our son, Bryan, in Virginia Beach and asked him to come as well. He and his girlfriend Amber packed a few things and headed to Richmond.


Between my phone calls to family members and friends, the nurses and doctors continued to work on Randy, doing every test imaginable. They were kind and comforting, keeping me posted on every move. The E.R. doctor had sent off blood work to MCV earlier in the day and expected the results by 3:00 pm. At exactly 3:02 the activity picked up and machines were rolling into his room. Medical staff surrounded him. Tubes and lines were being placed in his neck. The doctor noticed me standing there and walked over to me. “I am so sorry Mrs. Davis, it is as we suspected. Your husband has tested positive for ethylene glycol poisoning.” “What” I thought. What is that? I do not understand. He explained that Randy had ingested a very large dose of ethylene glycol and that more than likely he would not survive. I went into the room with Randy. I heard that small inner voice say go over and pray in his ear. I listened and I prayed. Then, I cried.

My son and Amber (his girlfriend) arrived first. The news devastated him. Minutes later his long time friend, Kenny arrived. By now the Nephrologist (Kidney Doctor) was on the scene and not very hopeful. He also was kind but guarded about Randy’s condition. “If he survives, he will probably be on dialysis the rest of his life but his prognosis is not good and his condition, critical.” Randy had been moved to the Atrium ICU. Bryan, Amber, Kenny and I waited.

My son was finally allowed to go see his Dad. I warned him about how Randy would look but you can never really be prepared for something like that. I have never seen Bryan so devastated. It broke my heart to see him in such pain. His emotions were overwhelming. He sobbed, hit the wall and then bent over his Dad and really fussed at him! Randy jumped, the ventilator made a sound I will never forget, and Bryan and I left the room.

Mom (Randy's mother) arrived next, late in the evening. She had landed in Baltimore Maryland, arriving from San Antonio, and drove the rest of the way. I warned her about Randy’s appearance as well. She made it to the doorway of his room and covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh” was all she could say. Tears rolled silently down her cheeks. My heart broke again.

That night we all slept in the waiting room. Bryan, Amber, Kenny, Mom and me. We talked, we prayed, we consoled each other, we cried. We tried to understand…

Monday-Memorial Day

Randy made it through the night. He was in a coma, on life support and hemodialysis. Mom and I ran home to freshen up, feed the cats and make some calls. I e-mailed Tammy Burns (from Woolridge Church) and let her know what was going on. (The day before the E.R. nurse suggested we call our Pastor. I couldn’t even remember the name of our church or where it was!) Within no time Tammy called. She was so terrific. She offered support and asked if I would like a Stephens Minister. I told her yes, absolutely. Within minutes after my conversation with Tammy, John Williams was calling and getting things in order. Mom and I arrived at Johnston-Willis. She went in to see Randy. I went to the waiting room. Not long after I arrived, Pastor Greg walked into the Atrium waiting room. Kathy, his wife, was in the ICU with mom. Wow, I could not have been more comforted. Pastor Greg and Kathy, Tammy Burns, John Williams, Lynn Marx (my Stephens Minister) and many people I do not even know offered support and prayer that day that has never stopped.

Later that day Bryan and I went to see Randy in the ICU. I was so proud of my son as he leaned over his Dad and whispered in his ear "I forgive you Dad." We had talked about this earlier and we knew that we had to forgive him and that if nothing else, Randy knew this. We believed he could hear us...

Tuesday

My father in-law had arrived late Monday. We all took turns going in to see Randy. We all continued to pray and seek God. We found out that day that Randy had suffered a major heart attack.

There was no understanding of why this had happened, but this was about to change. As I sat in the waiting room of the Atrium I heard “Do not be afraid” in my spirit. It was so loud that I looked around to see if anyone else heard it. It was then that I realized that God had shared with me about four years ago that something was coming. I had been having an intense conversation with Him as I was painting my sisters house. I was asking him about the trivial trials of life that I was experiencing. No one was home at the time but me and I was really questioning Him about my life. He answered me very strongly and in an audible voice  said “Daughter, I am teaching you how to pray as there will be a trial far greater than you have ever experienced before but do not be afraid for it will all come out to my glory.”

Teaching me to pray? I realized for the first time what "pray without ceasing" meant. It does not mean on your knees 24/7. It means conversing with God on all things, whether in your car on the way to work or in the shower or cutting the grass. Keep Him informed and involved, just as we are all doing on Facebook!!

From the moment that I heard it I had shared this with my sister and my friend Tracy Swineford. Over the years when trials would come up Tracy would say "Do you think this is it? The trial?" and I would always say No. But today, I knew, this was it!! I shared this word of encouragement with Debbie (Mom) and we continued to pray and seek Him.


Wednesday

We had friends in prayer around the clock. People across the United States, literally. Church prayer groups, Nurses in the ICU. It was amazing!! Even though the Doctor’s still said critical condition, prognosis poor, we continued to trust in the Lord for healing, body, mind and spirit. I started to understand and learn about trusting in God no matter what and my own relationship with Him reached a new level.


Thursday

Prayer continued. Mom and I grew stronger. We were excited about what God was doing. The ICU nurses were praying and amazed that Randy was still there. They all felt like they too, were watching a miracle.
The Hospitalist met with us late that day. He was not as optimistic and suggested we take a week to make a decision as to whether or not we should remove Randy from life support. He said the machines were only supporting Randy, that there was nothing more they could do. It was hard to hear but I knew that God had given me His word and that was something I could count on.

Mom and I continued to trust God. That night I called the hospital to check on Randy, as I did every night. The nurse answered the phone sounding rushed. "Hold on!" she said. I waited anxiously. What could be going on? Randy and one other patient were in the ICU. She came back to the phone and said " You are'nt going to believe this but Randy is waking up!"

Friday

The next morning I arrived at the hospital. To see Randy was a little scary. His movement was not purposeful and he seemed to be having a tough time with all of the tubes. I suggested to Mom that we turn on the 700 Club to drown out the noise of the machines. She had been crying. She said she could not imagine seeing Randy live the rest of his life like this. I gently reminded her of God's word to me and said, “Mom, you watch, there will be someone on the 700 Club that will have experienced the same thing  we are and they will give their testimony. This will confirm God's word and Randy’s healing to us.” There were only 20 minutes left on the show and guess what? Sure enough, there was a young girl who had ingested antifreeze and had the same prognosis as Randy. This girl was sharing her own testimony. Mom was blown away. Confirmation received!

Mom and I went to the waiting room to write in our journals when she opened up her meditation for the day it was entitled “It's not over, until it is over!” How appropriate!

On June 3, my 43rd birthday, we all gathered together and spent a rainy afternoon in prayer for Randy, the hospital staff, the patients and each other. Our friendships and relationships grew stronger. God continued to perform miracles and show us His grace. The most amazing thing to me was when our six-year-old son said his prayers on June 10th. He said, “God, this is Matthew. My Daddy is still sick. Can you make me 12 years old so I can see him?” Matthew knew you had to be 12 to go into the ICU. That Friday, June 10th,Randy woke up. On Saturday, Randy sat up in a chair for the first time and Matthew was allowed in to see his Daddy. God had answered his prayer and he knew it!

Randy continued to miraculously improve daily. On July 7, 2007, Randy came home and on July 8, 2007 we went to church again as a family.

Part 3 Randy

I didn’t have the bright light experience but I did experience very odd things I have yet to make sense of. Then I woke up to the point that I was aware of my surroundings. And my very first thought was something amazing had happened and I needed to be in church. I didn’t know what I had been through from a medical standpoint like treatments or medications, but I knew to the depths of my soul that God was the reason I was alive.

I had literally killed myself yet God had stepped in and said, “I don’t think so”. Having never met my real father it was at this time that I realized I always had a father; I was just looking for the wrong one. My heavenly Father isn’t done with me yet and He definitely has a purpose for me that has yet to be revealed. I felt the love of God like I never had before. I truly felt born again. And I felt free and relaxed and cleansed. It was a new beginning and I was a new person.

From a medical standpoint I had total healing. No heart or kidney damage, no dialysis, no neurological damage, nothing.

Then the depth of the miracle continued. For not only had God restored my life but He renewed my Spirit and healed my relationship with my wife and family. We all were blessed with a fresh start. He has allowed me to face and deal with my past. He reminded me that I have a beautiful wife and three beautiful children that love me more than I ever thought possible. And He left me free from guilt and shame. Although I regret the pain I put my family through I thank God for where He has brought me today, and I thank Him every day for it. That is the most amazing thing to come out of all of this; I now have a relationship with God like never before.
 

Finally, if you don’t believe in the power of prayer and what God can do in your life and you don’t believe He can perform miracles I am living proof that He can and He does.

Conclusion:

There are still so many details, but you get the picture! Our lives have not been perfect since this experience and we never expected them to be. We are still learning and growing daily.  God has restored both of our biological families within two weeks of each other! Randy has for the first time had contact with his Dad in Germany. We still have a long way to go as individuals and as parents  but we will continue the walk and continue to TRUST HIM no matter what...'cause its not over, until its over! Be blessed!

My First Blog & How It Came to Be

"Why don't you try blogging?" my physician asked. "Look at it as a healthy, creative way to relieve stress, or you could try Pilates?"  

Pilates? Blog? I had never blogged before. Ridiculous, I said to myself as I reluctantly handed over my $35 co-payment. Did I really just pay for this recommendation? While pondering this latest advice from my favorite family physician, what appeared to me to be even more ridiculous  was the thought of me doing Pilates or any other form of purposeful exercise. Did she not know me by now? She was right though, I did need an outlet for all the curves that life was continually throwing my way, but blogging??

What do I know about blogging? Not much! However, I certainly know about keeping a journal. I have kept a journal most of my life so I can't  imagine that blogging is really any different? As a young girl of 8, 9 and 10, I kept my journal in a spiral bound notebook.  I could carry it from class to class and look like I was taking the most detailed notes. I wrote about any and everything in those journals. I wrote about all of  my thoughts, dreams and aspirations. What would high school be like? Did David G. like me as much as I liked him? Was I pretty? Would I be successful? Would I get married?  I also wrote about the darker side of my life, the things no child should ever go through.  Will mom be drunk when I get home? Why does she hate me so much? Will the bruises show during P.E. class? Does my mother love me? As an adopted child it was hard to understand why someone would adopt me yet not want nor love me. Many of my journal entries were questions about my own biological mother and about who I really was.

I don't know how I would have survived my childhood without my journals. They were my safe place where I could scream as loud as I wanted and I could say whatever I wanted and be who I thought I was. In my journal I would create and become this beautiful, lost Italian girl trying to find her way back to Italy.  In my journal I could share feelings of grief, loss and hopelessness just as I could share those of  happiness and hope. 

 When I read those journal pages from my childhood my heart aches for that little girl, that Robin and when I read those pages about falling in love, the births of my three children or the obstacles I have overcome, I rejoice with that Robin. I guess my physician was right after all. It was during those times of pouring out my heart on those tattered pages that a healing was slowly taking place and everyday life seemed a little easier to deal with.  

Over the years I have come to the realization that all of the good times and the bad were just a part of the journey, my journey. So, blogging it is. Time to write a new chapter!